At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize
