We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
