tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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