awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
