I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just gift wrapped bread.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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