ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
