its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
a search helicopter?!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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