i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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