Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
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im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
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We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Of course I have a pirate flag
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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