Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
