Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
