now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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