Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
