I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
