You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
