I think I just saw someone hide a body.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
