she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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