just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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