I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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