oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
