So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We need to rekindle our bromance
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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