He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You can't special order awesome
and you said cock pushups were impossible
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
All the doctor said was why
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
