His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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