The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize