he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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