Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize