Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
