remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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