dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
