Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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