He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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