Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
