if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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