Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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