I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
