yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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