i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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