I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
