moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
