Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
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It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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