i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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