I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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