i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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