I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
