The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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