I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
