Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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