allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
too bad you live with your parents still
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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