If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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