Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
