I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
