Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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