Little spoons don't ask big questions
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
