I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
