Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
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She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
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We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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