I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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