Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
