there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
