I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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