Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
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Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
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You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize