And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
it's great music for shaving your balls
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
