cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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