So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
