i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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