I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
