If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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