She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Someone came in the potted fern
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
