I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
