no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She's the barista slut.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
