ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
