so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
