____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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