Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
