Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
